ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
