after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize