Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
