He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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