Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
And then my night got REAL pukey
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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