I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
it was like eating out sand paper
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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