I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
