the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
