you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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