I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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