You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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