I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
