so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She's the barista slut.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
