And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
