Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
now i know why i became what i already was.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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