Pants 0. Shit 1.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
