I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you had me at cake vodka
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
