did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
