She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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