Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
third nipple confirmed
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
