On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
