I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
