i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
