if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
