our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
