Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
God, I missed his penis.
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