the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
