dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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