I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
