A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Randomize
