I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
tell me about the fingering
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