Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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