Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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