ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
