Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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