my mouth tastes like poor choices
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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