By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
