My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
