Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
