why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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