I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
