I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
