Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Hippo gnu deer
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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