GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
