If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
