So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
