My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
