we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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