Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
