My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
