im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
