Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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