they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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