I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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