He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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