Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I wish I could punch you in the face.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you โ๐ป๏ธ
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Every dick Iโve had or wanted in the last year is married. Itโs like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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