I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
