Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
