I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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