Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
my shit smells like andre
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
