Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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