wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
