home. puking in laundry basket.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
