Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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