umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
