He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize