You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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