hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
