Whatcha textin bout Willis?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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