If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
