Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
