What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
