i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
All the doctor said was why
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
