hotel room ftw
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
