If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
