I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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