ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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