Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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