I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
