Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
